I am a 40 year old gay Baha'i. I ran way from home at 16 after fighting with my Baha'i parents about my sexuality and immersed myself in the sydney gay scene. I will not go into those days because some of it was Great and some of it was not so great but the whole time I was seeking for god, a god that accepts me as I am and loves me for me. I did not find this anywhere though came close with a form of the Goddess that wicca provides but it never felt right. I was brought up Baha'i.. Baha'u'llah's message had made in me something I could not ignore but I was gay........ stepping back to 13 my sexual awakening and the anguish that it brought I cried myself to sleep each night calling god to help me please I don't want to be like that.... he never answered never helped... or so I thought...... skip again to 38 my mum died (btw been talking to her before hand about my sexuality and my faith) "Me: mum i'm not a Baha'i how can I be i'm gay. Mum: you believe in Baha'u'llah don't you. Me: yes. Mum: then you're a Baha'i."  At her funeral i'm crying bawling actually sitting beside my dad who is the most wonderful man that ever lived and my brother we're 3 boys in tears together United in our grief. I look up at the sign of Yahbahullah and ask god to be with my mother. When I was torn by grief I turned to Baha'u'llah no other. I have since moved back to my home town on the south east coast of nsw to be with my dad I am a practising Baha'i and the Baha'is I know know that I'm gay I am loved and respected by them. I now understand that it's between me and god and if i'm wrong God will Forgive I'm sure as long as I try to further his cause and live an upstanding a pure life (I have committed to my partner and he is considering confirming his faith as well) then god will let me enter into his presence. As for the official stance by the UHJ, i'm not going into that I pray god help in that matter and his will be done not mine I love baha'u'llah and I love my husband.

geoffrey Arnold

I love my brother. My brother is gay. My son is also questioning his sexuality and may very well be gay or bisexual. The Bahai' Faith is the faith I chose at age 15 (the age of reason) to be my own. After many years in the Faith I had to leave for 2 reasons. One is the unaccepting attitude of the official Bahai' administration of LBGT people. I have known many individual Bahai's who were and are very accepting but I am talking about the official stance of this Faith on homosexuality.
The other is that women are not welcome as members of the Universal House of Justice which is the supreme governing power of the Bahai' Faith. I remember being told that the wisdom of this decree will only be made known in the future but I see it as a great injustice to women. How can such a beautiful, seemingly all-inclusive faith discriminate in such a manner??
My heart is still broken over not being able to be a Bahai' any longer. It was the faith of my formative years and should have been the faith of my lifetime had it not excluded over half of humanity because of gender or sexual orientation. Very sad.

Marianne

Mmmm. There are moments in life when you look around and are absolutely convinced you are in a nightmare. The day gives way to night, and you fall into a fitful sleep. When you wake in the morning, expecting to feel a little better, there is still that atrocious lump in your chest. But the Faith says that with all crisis comes victory - should we allow ourselves a slight transformation that the moment allows.

The majority of my tears have been spilled for the Faith that was always my heart, my soul, my existence. There were times I could rise to such inner spiritual heights on the wings granted by my Beloved, and could feel the flutter from a hundred angels' wings as they gathered around the Words I loved to pray aloud. I didn't expect to rise to such a moment of liberty, then feel that very Hand that so tenderly raised me, smack me down to the hellish readings of separation and division I suddenly found in the Writings. My beautiful tapestry of faith unraveled, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to patch it up. Yet in those hours of death, I felt an incredible Angel watching over me, reminding me that I was a recipient of such adoration. The best part is, we all are.

I drifted from the Faith slowly but surely due to the emotional discomfort caused for other Baha'is (as well as for myself when I had to constantly point out that alcohol and gambling are addictions on a very material plane while same-sex love is an emotional and spiritual as well as physical connection between souls - so please do not compare them). I opened to love in wondrous new ways. I met opportunities for patience, forgiveness, laughter, affection, compassion, kindness, and growth. I was challenged by jealousy, anger, frustration, selfishness, and loss. I balked when Baha'i friends told me I merely needed self-discipline.

There was no denying my roots though. A few years away, and I sorely missed the conversation, the tacit knowledge and wordless communication I could find in special souls. So I went to a study circle, and lo and behold, I fell in love with a Baha'i. It makes me smile, feeling as though Abdu'l-Baha had a trick up His sleeve, knowing how to seduce me with a second look. She was incredible, as were the other young Baha'is around me. They accepted me without hesitation, knowing full well my situation. While I had to get over the romantic affection for my friend, the dynamics of being in that group situation and feeling so completely welcomed positively overwhelmed me. It made me hopeful for coming Baha'i generations. It also reminded me that I can't ignore the nutrients of Faith in the soil of my heart, any more than I can ignore this precious gift that God has given me in looking at love from a slightly different perspective. Of allowing me to be part of an often hated minority, so that I can understand how to root out prejudice from the core of my being. To see the human and the godly that is our noble heritage, and understand the mundane as purely experiential.

Despite the religious turmoil that still goes on within me, despite my growing understanding that I can't fully be part of the community, and despite my awareness that many Baha'i friends that still love me to no end are still hopeful that I marry a man, I am extraordinarily grateful. I am hopeful that I am walking the path of transformation.

Anonymous